It had to take days of Fever, shaking till I turned blue in coughing, rock solid headache, all drenched sweating, and restless nights and days cocooning at home before the message hit me, landing so gently like a feather that has gone through the tornado winds, swaying to settle down on a still moment of truth..
I've never felt like what I have felt in the past days following my fire walk experience... Strangely since I got sick thereafter, I've been a numb zombie.. this idea factory shut down and I felt like my essence was being drained from me.. these moments of lost creativity..
Unlike some who had the most euphoric experience after the Tony Robbins fire walk, mine was more of intensed fear, self doubts and feeling of helplessness that I've never experienced in my life..
For a moment, I felt I lost my being, meaning and purpose... It was the most uncomfortable space ever and the worst space of pessimism, so dark I got sucked in to a point I felt utterly lost!
I could not understand why, perhaps I've always been an optimist in life and been the biz fear factor queen... Everything is possible, and I've been smiling at all the odds that came my way.. pain or no pain do or die, I've lived one cycle of down, then up then a bigger down, then up and then a bolder rock bottom down, which I have been fighting tenaciously to pull through, but for the 1st time in my life, I feel real fear of failure, fear of not living up to it, fear of all the unknown...
It's a tired, weary feeling, I felt like I'm in my 90s old and dying..that's exactly how it felt...
It's ironic that I walked on the hot coals to challenge and overcome fear yet what I get is more Fear! Perhaps I had not faced the worst fears there is in me yet and it's all surfacing now...
But as all these anxieties simmer down, The code is broken now, the message clear..
Within this vulnerability lies Great Strength...
I knew what the fire walk was all about, it wasn't the fear I thought I was facing, but new fears as I have subconsciously raised the bar and open a new horizon beyond what I would dare thread in the past..
Seems like Tony's words in his lectures now bears its meaning more than it does during the seminar itself.. I'm beginning to "get it" So ts true what they say about attending such seminars, some people get it there, some people get it after, some many lapse of periods later and the impact can only be felt more after than during..
Tony's message are so Powerful that it has shaken my subconscious beyond belief, almost like a 36 year old tree is being uprooted off from its very roots to make room for this new seed to grow in place..
No wonder this inner self is terrified! Terrified that there is this new vacuum is now going to be replaced by something beyond what it has ever taught possible!
So this is it.. I hear where these voices are coming from, and I know what I have been resisting all along..fear of truly loving myself enough to move beyond these inertia when fruits of success are just around the corner..
To love myself enough to truly receive the joy and pleasure of receiving BIG as I Step up To this Bigger Game in Life....
To care for myself to learn to take my breaks, to give myself the break without guilt! I miss nature in my life. The last visit I had was at the snow caps & peaks of the most beautiful mountains in Pakistan, where I came back refreshed and rejuvenated...
I hear the whispers of life, that Achieving more isn't about "adding" more but Learning to unload, delete, simplify to prepare for the leap not ladder climb..yet with twice the grace & ease..
Achieving ultimate happiness, peace, wealth and anything that I can ever dream of is more about letting go than it is holding on..
This tug a war I feel between what is possible and what is holding me back, is a matter of my willingness to completely release all these self limiting thoughts, beliefs & stories am I holding on to that are not serving me...
With this renewed paradigm, my story will be re-written my destiny re-designed & I will opt to create A Life far beyond my wildest dreams...
It is done..
NOW, I AM THE VOICE
I WILL LEAD, NOT FOLLOW
I WILL BELIEVE, NOT DOUBT
I WILL CREATE, NOT DESTROY
I AM A FORCE FOR GOOD
I AM A LEADER
DEFY THE ODDS
SET A NEW STANDARD
STEP UP!
STEP UP!
STEP UP!
~ Tony Robbins..
Suria Mohd
3 comments:
I hear you. Just read a bisnes book titled The Next Level. It mentioned that every businesses have to go through a growth curve ie. start up, rapid growth & transition stages. It stated that when we reach the highest peak in business (3rd stage) we need to strategize and create a new direction if not... it will be down hill from there. I believe as a human, we also have our own growth curve. I reach mine at the aged 26, and I feel the next transition will b coming soon. You'll reach greater height after this
Didn't know that ure really not well during the seminar...hope ure a lot better now. Thank you for sharing your very different meaning / experience. I know that new seed is one made of mettle, loving of yourself as beautiful as u r inside out, and everything else you want to be. Here's to the renewed you.
Sis, YOU are an INSPIRATION to all! YOU are indeed an ICON, a FIGHTER, LEADER and MASTER in your craft. I love you and I am PROUD of you sis :) YOU have come a long way and YOU deserve all the greatness that life offers you. Salam Eid Mubarak. Maaf Zahir dan Batin...
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